My marriage has 99 problems but foot fungus ain’t [sic] one – Kool Klench™ Country Style™ Fungicide
![My marriage has 99 problems but foot fungus ain’t [sic] one – Kool Klench™ Country Style™ Fungicide](https://hardcheapknock.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Couple.gif "My marriage has 99 problems but foot fungus ain’t [sic] one – Kool Klench™ Country Style™ Fungicide")
But seriously you wanna know what my wife gets so bent outta shape about? That I left a pair of binoculars out on the back porch. I mean come on here!! Well that and the notebook with hourly entries detailing the comings and goings of my back neighbor’s teenage daughter, with complete wardrobe inventory and roster of her friends. I mean by now I know her more than her parents do. More than her naked-faced boyfriend Jason does by far. But that’s nothing. Here, look at my other notebooks. All these women? Going to school, or work. Pursuing their petty desires or avoiding their meager little fears. Here look at the photos I’ve taken with my telephoto lens. See their faces? Boredom, pain, fear, exhaustion. Hope. Relief. Indifference. I know more about all these women, just looking at their faces in these photos, than any of their boyfriends, husbands, fathers or brothers ever could. My mind moves outward in an inexorable connection with these souls. At once I am God. Creator and Destroyer. Ejaculator of Time’s unalterable forward march. Father, Son and Unholy Ghost
No Daddy, No! I’m sorry! please! I didn’t pee pee in my trousers during mass! Please Daddy don’t make me visit Father Cavanaugh again! His hands are rough and the thick, course hairs of his nostrils, they smell so of tobacco and other children’s tears
Ask your doctor if Kool Klench™ Country Style ™ Fungicide is right for you. Possible side effects include: dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, redness or rash that is definitely not fungal in nature, bacon breath, spontaneous unexpected childbirth, soft skull, red eyelids, 69 Dude, stage 4 lung cancer, immediate death, painful hair, fleas-everywhere fleas, two left feet and I mean literally two left feet, your car won’t start, neck backwardsness, dirty hairy, your kid doesn’t look anything like you, do you smell burning plastic?, shit I know it’s just water pouring over this rag on my face but by god it really feels like I’m drowning, holes in your palms and feet due to stakes driven in to impale you against two planks of lumber mounted on a hill to convince the other wretched feeble monotheists that they are outnumbered and that their hopes are futile, did I already say drowsiness?, and mango aversion.
December 18, 2016 @ 12:57 am
Thank you Mr. Carson and all your colleagues for this witty publication and for the use we’ve all been able to put it to. Do you know my brother Dunkin I think he lives in your building he owes me 21 dollar
December 18, 2016 @ 1:06 am
Dear Mr. Langland, thank you very much for your insightful comment.I want you to know, that I am happy for you. I wish nothing but the best for you both. An older version of me. Is she perverted like me? Would she go down on you in a theater? Does she speak eloquently? And would she have your baby? I’m sure she’d make a really excellent mother. The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round. Round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round. All ’round the town
‘Cause the love that you gave that we made, wasn’t able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no and every time you speak her name does she know how you told me you’d hold me until you died, til you died, but you’re still alive? The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish, Swish, swish, swish, Swish, swish, swish. The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish. All ’round the town
You seem very well, things look peaceful, I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know.
Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity?
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner. It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced. And are you thinking of me when you BLEEP her?
The driver on the bus goes ‘move on back’, Move on back, Move on back. The driver on the bus goes ‘move on back’. All ’round the town
‘Cause the joke that you laid in the bed That was me and I’m not gonna fade As soon as you close your eyes, and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails Down someone else’s back I hope you feel it.
Well, can you feel it?
The people on the bus go up and down
Up and down
Up and down
The people on the bus go up and down
All ’round the town
December 18, 2016 @ 2:39 am
It’s a good product, this. Also let me say I ate a squid tonight but not from a restaurant.
December 18, 2016 @ 8:43 am
Oh ok can I get a refill on my Sprite
December 19, 2016 @ 8:03 am
I was “Country” when Country wasn’t “Kool”.
December 19, 2016 @ 8:53 pm
Well said, Mr. Gunderson! Bravo. However now that Kool Klench™ and its parent corporation own the kopyright© for “kool©” I advise caution in using the term so cavalierly. At any rate if your interest truly is to eschew coolness then we would suggest a return to the conventional spelling anyway. “Kool@” as you probably have guessed is highly favored by Millennials, in no small part due to Kool Klench™’s strong influence in youth culture. Furthermore be advised, after considering this, our legal team has just as we type this gone ahead and kopyrighted© the term “kountry©” to follow the same line of thinking. We just have to be careful not to abbreviate this product line because “KKK Style” is of course already owned by the incoming Chief Strategist and Senior Counselor to the President-Elect of the United States.
PS Obviously we’ve kopyrighted© kopyright© as well.
December 21, 2016 @ 11:11 am
I’ll let CoolRock know. @nickwetmore
December 21, 2016 @ 8:43 pm
Thank you Mr. Gunderson. Evidently you did not know that Mr.K (as we fondly call him around the offices), is a board member and majority share holder of our parent corporation, and as such is not only fully entitled to use of the word as it pleases him, but in fact it was he who inspired the naming of our beloved flagship product in the first place. Thank you for your continued concern.