But seriously you wanna know what my wife gets so bent outta shape about? That I left a pair of binoculars out on the back porch. I mean come on here!! Well that and the notebook with hourly entries detailing the comings and goings of my back neighbor’s teenage daughter, with complete wardrobe inventory and roster of her friends. I mean by now I know her more than her parents do. More than her naked-faced boyfriend Jason does by far. But that’s nothing. Here, look at my other notebooks. All these women? Going to school, or work. Pursuing their petty desires or avoiding their meager little fears. Here look at the photos I’ve taken with my telephoto lens. See their faces? Boredom, pain, fear, exhaustion. Hope. Relief. Indifference. I know more about all these women, just looking at their faces in these photos, than any of their boyfriends, husbands, fathers or brothers ever could. My mind moves outward in an inexorable connection with these souls. At once I am God. Creator and Destroyer. Ejaculator of Time’s unalterable forward march. Father, Son and Unholy Ghost
No Daddy, No! I’m sorry! please! I didn’t pee pee in my trousers during mass! Please Daddy don’t make me visit Father Cavanaugh again! His hands are rough and the thick, course hairs of his nostrils, they smell so of tobacco and other children’s tears
Ask your doctor if Kool Klench™ Country Style ™ Fungicide is right for you. Possible side effects include: dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, redness or rash that is definitely not fungal in nature, bacon breath, spontaneous unexpected childbirth, soft skull, red eyelids, 69 Dude, stage 4 lung cancer, immediate death, painful hair, fleas-everywhere fleas, two left feet and I mean literally two left feet, your car won’t start, neck backwardsness, dirty hairy, your kid doesn’t look anything like you, do you smell burning plastic?, shit I know it’s just water pouring over this rag on my face but by god it really feels like I’m drowning, holes in your palms and feet due to stakes driven in to impale you against two planks of lumber mounted on a hill to convince the other wretched feeble monotheists that they are outnumbered and that their hopes are futile, did I already say drowsiness?, and mango aversion.