Every week, it’s the same old story. Friday rolls around and look who brought in donuts!
In case no one has ever told you, Tiffany from Marketing, bringing in donuts and then only taking half of one (and thereby leaving the other half for someone else to not enjoy) is STILL eating donuts. We are not all in this with you. You brought the donuts. Don’t make us complicit in your diet cheating!
Maybe if you had bought Little Dookie brand Pick-A-Size Donuts© we wouldn’t have to endure week after week of half-molested, half donuts in a box left open for the flies to enjoy.
It’s no mystery who brought in the donuts! We’ve all seen your Instagram feed, Tiffany!
It’s also no mystery who’s fingernail indentations have been left in that mangled half of a doughnut. In fact, come Friday afternoon, the only real mystery is if you’ll come back and finish it!
I’m kidding… Of course you will. Around 3:30, you’ll wander into the break room pretending to be angry that the last person to pour some coffee didn’t make a fresh pot… and then it’s always the same thing…
“Oh well if there’s just HALF a donut left, it seems a shame to let it go to waste. Heh heh… Who only takes half a donut anyways?”
You do us both a dishonor, Tiffany. Shame on you.
Shame on you for ghosting me after our little encounter at the Christmas party.
Shame on you for taking the Employee of the Month parking spot two days early, knowing damn well it’s a full “calendar month”!
Shame on you for clipping your fingernails in your cubicle. Did you really think we wouldn’t hear the incessant “SNIP… click… SNIP… click… SNIP… click…” during the weekly virtual standup?
And don’t even get me started on toilet nesting.
But most of all, shame on you for thinking you’ve got us all fooled, Tiffany from Marketing.
I am completely convinced that if I wasn’t around to witness it, you would take half of that half donut. Luckily, Little Dookie Pick-A-Size Donuts allows you to break off a half or a quarter!
Little Dookie Pick-A-Size Donuts… Even though we all know you’ll be back for the other half.