BETHLEHEM, Pa. —While it was announced today that your children’s favorite mystery substance for Easter morning sugar rushes, Peeps, will stop production, we here at HCK have the story the manufacturers don’t want you to know.
In the spirit of retooling and gearing up for the good of the country like many other manufacturers, Peeps & Company is actually following in the footsteps of the likes of Dyson and Tesla. That’s right! We have it on good authority that Peeps factories have pivoted the manufacturing in order to produce hospital ventilators!
As to why the company wants to keep this quiet, an unnamed source deeply embedded in the Peeps & Company corporation had this to say: “Can you imagine the questions we’ll get? ‘Will the air smell like marshmallows? If I breathe with your device, will my fingertips turn yellow? If the ventilator gets too close to a microwave, will it expand to twice its normal size?!?’ We just can’t have that! We here at Peeps have not spent decades making fluffy bunnies, chickies, and other marginally-identifiable shapes to risk our reputation and not be taken seriously!”
‘Will the air smell like marshmallows? If I breathe with your device, will my fingertips turn yellow?’
In fact, this is already old news. It seems that Peeps has already been supplying hospital workers with adorable, but functional, footwear…
You can now buy Peeps-inspired Crocs that even come with chick charms—here’s where to get them https://t.co/wO8fYmJ1SW
— Newsweek (@Newsweek) March 3, 2020
For now, Peeps & Company will not comment on whether they will be crafting squishy face masks or shields. We’re not ruling anything out at this point. We here at HCK will monitor this story and update you as it unfolds.