Billy Joel didn’t start the fire but…

… he sure as hell made me stop listening to music after this masterpiece.

In 1989 an unknown young Billie Joel released a song named We didn’t start the Fire. And it wasn’t until last Tuesday that I realized that this song was perfect. I mean a song to end all songs. This masterful ballad should have prevented all other future songs from being made – including hits from Smash Mouth and Sheryl Crow. This gorgeous triumph compiles such a complete list of absurd things that I have at the most 2 minutes to list them all because I gotta skedaddle.

He first goes into a non alphabetical list of people of some who I have heard about and some that might be make believe. Like who has time to check this out! And then he starts to pass the blame about some mysterious fire to someone else he knows or doesn’t know. Perhaps a neighbor or a lesser know Joel cousin? It’s so hard to speculate because I have heard it just the 2 times now plus I’m down to 83 seconds!

So this fire must of wrecked some stuff of his. Maybe some collectables, He left out the deets – that is so Billy. But just when he’s done being oblivious of who started this fire he then goes onto yet another list of who’s who or things that must be real.  Because otherwise I’d say he has a great imagination of making up things. If I had time I’d look up James Dean but my time is now down to 74 seconds…

Then guess what? He starts to pass the blame game once again. This guy won’t take responsibility for anything will he? Billie thinks his Joel doesn’t stink and I don’t blame him! I can only imagine if this song took place after 9/11 and how’d he work that into the lyrics. OMG. Goosebumps right?

So he proceeds to mention a couple of more items. Maybe Kid Rock? Not sure because I had the volume on really low as not to wake the wives. But man if this doesn’t screw all other musicians because he is like mentioning every single thing in the world. Nothing left to even coo about – I’m talking to you Depeche Mode if you try to make any more songs about flies on a windscreen.

It’s crazy at one point he says “what else is there to say” which is nuts because dude, you are right in the middle of your own song! #billiejoelisbold I suppose he could of just went instrumental after that as a hint to all other musicians that would try to follow this masterpiece some day. Don’t even try it Dr Dre, old BJ has got it covered.

But soon after he starts yet another cascade of things that most seem like jibberish at this point. To be transparent I was drinking water very loudly so I might of missed a couple of things. Like birth control? What the heck is that? Nice try Bill! you are a make believe GOD! Then I think another 2 minutes pass and he’s still not taking any responsibly about the “fire” so I’m coming to the conclusion that he ain’t taking the rap for no fire! He is holding his innocent ground.

So the ultimate and thorough song finally comes to an end and I’m like he did it. I’m blown away. He named like everything and the beat was good on top of it. Who else can top this? Train? I assume that is a band name. But no one can say for sure. And I’m not even gonna try to listen to anything else now because Billien Freakin Joel did it. He sang about almost all the people (real and fake), all of the places and all of the things. And in addition there was that accusation of a fire where he was trying to find out who was the responsible party or parties were. And I definitely believe it wasn’t him because I feel he would be forthcoming with such information because of being the standup kind of guy that he is. Now how do I end my Pandora subscription?