Hiiiiiiii. I’m Neal McDoogin. Spell it anyway you waaant just don’t call me laaate for wet willie wednesdays. Esmowa. That was a joke. Welcome to my fifth Neal’s Corner. They said I wouldn’t live long enough to see #5 let alone the birth of my beautiful wife Mary. Anyway enough chiiiiit chaaaat. So NEal McDoogin want to share some viewing tips for the upcoming Solar Eclipse.
1. If you look at the Sun and it looks back you, quickly pretend you were not looking and look at the Moon. If the Moon sees you then pretend you are sleeping.
2. Make sure you are looking at the correct Sun. Do not look at Mu Cephei or Pollux or you’ll look like an ass.
3. To really enjoy the eclipse, look at the Sun as I like your bacon. Long and hard.
4. Start looking at the Sun a week before the eclipse. This will help you be immune to the Sun’s damaging rays because it will build a nice thick, leathery callus across your eyes.
5. You are not fooling anyone except yourself
if you don’t use Hollywood’s sunglasses from the
hit 1987 movie Mannequin to view the eclipse.
6. If you change the words of Smash Mouth’s classic hit – Walkin’ on the Sun – to “I might as well be starin’ at the sun” then perhaps this eclipse is not right for you.
7. If your eyes start to bubble and your pupils burst you have successfully seen the eclipse.
Neals Corner #5 is sponsored by the new sensational product Eye Tan™ Lotion. The only suntan lotion for your eyes! Oh they say never look at the sun. Fooey. Wouldn’t you want nice juicy tan eyes to match your juicy tan body? Well Gnome Brands saves the day again! Their new eye tan lotion let’s you finally get that overall tan that you crave. See you later white eyes!