In the war for a clean butt, there are as many weapons as stars in the sky. We have found that Swipes Lovin Wipes are not only the best ass wipe you can buy. They also have the dual purpose of cleaning up any other sloppy body shenanigans you might come up with. And that’s why we love Swipes Lovin Wipes!
That’s why we’re giving one lucky winner a one-year supply of asswipes. That’s right, if chosen you will receive eighteen 42-count packs of wipes. That’s enough for two poops a day!*
Good luck, wipers!
Say “Congrats!” to the winner, Devin Johns. This is not a photo of the real Devin, but we imagine a scene much like this one occurred when he opened the box of asswipes we sent him.
Hopefully by now you have received the shipment of asswipes and all of your friends have grown weary of all the bragging you’ve been doing.
“Who’s got the cleanest butt and two thumbs?!? THIS GUY!”
“What’s that? Did I just eat that piece of popcorn that fell down the back of my pants? I did! Because it’s clean enough to eat off of back there!”
“I’ve got SUCH a clean derriere! Woot woot!”
Well, you get the idea.
At any rate, if you should feel compelled to take a break from all that ass-championing and send us a photo of you rolling around in 18 packets of asswipes, we’d be tickled. [He did not] Email, Instagram, Facebook… whatever works for you. We just want readers to know that people really do win at hardcheapknock.com.
*Pooping in excess of two times per day will not be accommodated by this prize. Winners who poop more than twice daily are encouraged to purchase additional wipes at their own expense. Number of wipes awarded was calculated by Googling “how often does the average person poop” (between three times a day and once every 3 days). If you poop more than 2 times a day, we’re sorry. If you poop more than 0.333333 times per day, this prize will last you quite a long time. Also, this article.