Hello creatives citizens of the USA and parts of Europe. It is finally August 14th and that means it is time to: “Draw or Make Something of What You Think Dirk Benedict Looks Like” ( Or D-O-M-S-O-W-Y-T-D-B-L-L for short.) For those just joining us we will retell the rules as some have changed.
O F F I C I A L C O N T E S T R U L E S & R E G U L A T I O N S
Content: Who is Dirk Benedict exactly? What does he represent in today’s climate? These are things you should be thinking about. This will help you execute your wonderful creations. This isn’t like drawing a turtle with a old timey hat. For the most part the content of your piece(s) should have Dirk Benedict in it, as he appears in your mind. Like how you envision him to be. Now maybe you happen to be Richard Hatch and knew him from BattleStar Galactica so you really know how he looks. Or perhaps you are a Dirk Benedict newbie and just wanna see if you can do it based on heresy. Either way we want to see it! Maybe draw Dirk palling around with his A-Team buddies or with some space friends from BattleStar Galactica. Or maybe you break the mold. Try drawing him as he is leaving a Blockbusters if your piece’s time period is early 2000’s. It’s really up to you. If you are unfamiliar with Mr. Benedict’s work we suggest to look him up at the library or elsewhere. All we can say is he was the Brad Pitt of his time. Dashing and a bit of a bad boy. And smooth like a bit o’ honey. Someone you’d want on your side in a butt punch fight. The perfect wingman. Please do not substitute him with what you think Ted McGinley of Happy Days and Married with Children looks like. He is handsome but no.
Media: In this day & age of computer advancements and 327 year old contraptions that remove ass hair away the old fashioned way by lulling it into a sleep coma and allowing it to fall harmlessly into a container™, we have become addicted to instant gratification. So why stop now! Use anything you want! But take your time. Rent a studio space. Quit your job. Also consider the old school use of pencils (color or lead), paints (oil, acrylic, watercolors), use a protractor (perhaps he is made with angles), a blending stump, lima beans, lip balm, collage, dryer lint, belly button lint, a city of people, drift wood sculpture, apps, appetizers, sculpey, photo manipulation, bar doodles, varying shades of burnt toast, beeswax, body parts, empty tic tac boxes and / or macaroni just to name a few. PLEASE NOTE: we are no longer accepting wet macaroni or other damp pasta/noodles. BUT we will accept performance pieces in the form of video, gif and song.
Eligibility: Please be of ages 4 to 8 or 10 to 64 (too many dick 9 year olds out there and don’t get us started with the 65 and up jerk faces). No art degree needed. Shit if you can read that’s cool. Participants can be from any of the 48 contiguous states, Europe and elsewhere not mentioned. HardCheapKnock members and their families are eligible as long as they don’t produce anything “Lorne Greenish”. And again Mr. Benedict, you unfortunately cannot participate due to your closeness to the topic.
Submissions: Only 1-10 submissions per participant. Group participants are welcome too but it’s kinda weird don’t you think? Like be your own person and do it yourself! We gladly will only accept a digital photograph of your work at this time as we are still cleaning up from the past 10 years of the aforementioned wet pasta entries. Please submit to firstname.lastname@example.org or post to our Facebook page: facebook.com/hardcheapknock
Prizes: Oh man! You won’t believe what the prize is. We mean who it is! Oh shit we have said too much or too little possibly. But there is a prize. Doesn’t not knowing the prize make it more the enticing? We think it does. We mean how does one value a jet cruise? Or the molted skin of a praying mantis? You simply can’t. The prize TO BE ANNOUNCED at a later date.
Deadline: We are very strict on this and we will only take submissions until 11:59pm EST July 11, 2017. We apologize as that is only eleven months. So get going! Winners will be announced live on Facebook if that still exists in 11 months.
To get an idea of the kind of competition you may have, check out last year’s winner. It was Frank Wachowski of Peotone, IL. He went above and beyond. He chose to represent Dirk Benedict as how he was so underappreciated as an actor in the 1970/80’s. By carving him out of a pencil’s lead tip, Frank smartly indicates how writers poorly under used Dirk within their stories and all the while Dirk couldn’t escape their power. Congrats Frank and hope you enjoyed your 3 bean chili recipe prize!
“Draw or make something of what you think Dirk Benedict looks like” is sponsored by the good folks at Gnome Brands™ and their wonder product A.H.A. (Ass Hair Away). Removing ass hair for over 327 years, A.H.A. will get you back in the game. The smooth baby ass game that is. You’ll say Aha, when your ass hair is gone!