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Tractors

tractor-a

Tractor.

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors.

Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

 

TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors.

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Martin’s necktie

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

tractor-c

Tractor.

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS!!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Crackers? FUCK NO! TRACTORS!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

tractor-e

Tractor.

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors in the morning and the middle of the night. Tractors to the left of me and tractors to the right! Tractors! TRACTORS! TRACTORS!

tractor-d

Tractor.

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

tractor-f

Tractor.

 

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

(Evil Children)

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

tractor-b

Tractor.

Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors

(Evil Children)

(Evil Children)

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children!

Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children!

Evil Children!

Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children!

Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children! Evil Children!

 

 

WHAT? No Goddamnit! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Get them the fuck out of here!!

TRACTORS!

TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS!!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

 

 

 

 

 

Okay do you think anyone’s still reading?

 

Are you kidding? Not a chance.

 

Okay let’s begin.

 

As it commences each year upon this night we convene to beckon forth the Twelve Gram- and Grampaternal Lazer Giants, Holy Ancestors of the Six Original Grandfathers, to make entrance upon our Present Volume Configuration and if it so pleases them, offer our service to initiate the Great Restructuring.

 

Saith we this night:

 

As souls made currency we become Superionics.

(As souls made currency we become Superionics.)

 

As Superionics we witness the transforming of Time’s End into The Present.

(As Superionics we witness the transforming of Time’s End into The Present.)

 

In witnessing the transforming of Time’s End into The Present we bind it with Time’s Beginning.

(In witnessing the transforming of Time’s End into The Present we bind it with Time’s Beginning.)

 

A bunch of explosions happen, with different colored fire, and then:

 

We greet the Twelve and announce their arrival:

 

  1. The first to enter is Duke Shorgut who is a hundred feet tall and has red hair, with the face of a serpent and golden sparkling eyes. His gloves are silver. His weapon is a seven hundred foot red whip that shoots fire from the end of it. His vehicle is a big green and black Dump Truck.
  2. The Second to enter is Dame Florvut who is made out of 10 important questions and 9 unknowable answers and 1 knowable answer. Her hair is gold and she wears a purple, gray and yellow tunic with a shiny black belt. Her weapon is rainbow colored shuriken and instead of earrings she has cathedral bells hanging from her ears. Her vehicle is a white motor unicycle.
  3. Third to enter is Zorgutick the Frightening Brother who is just a black silhouette with a flashing red dot in the center of his head. On for 5 seconds, off for .5 seconds, repeating forever.
  4. The Fifth to enter is Prince Dorghut who is a column of white fire unseeable by human eyes and taller than a giraffe. He governs bacterial life on each of the Present Volume Configuration’s planets and his vehicle is a monster truck all tricked out to look like it’s wearing a Superman cape.
  5. The Fifth to enter is Henrietta Folgard whose true form is –

 

 

Uh, Valuator, sir, I think some readers are coming back.

 

Shit. Ok quick put everything under the table. Get these tractors back out. Jesus this is a lot of tractors.

 

Boss, what about the evil children?

 

That’s not us, I have no idea how that got in here but we’ll have to look into that shit soon. Wait – Martin where’s your necktie?

 

Uh, I think I left it between some tractors near the beginning.

 

God damn it. Jorbin, tell Martin what is dictate 26?

 

I know dictate 26 –

 

Apparently you do not, Martin. Jorbin?

 

Dictate 26 dictates all 4-8th degree Micro- and 6-8th degree Macrolytes must appear in public at all times wearing temple provided neckties in an impeccable Half-Windsor knot.

 

Well it’s here somewhere I just dropped it.

 

Mr.Carson, the readers are here we gotta

 

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

 

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Evil Children. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

 

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

 

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Evil Children. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

 

 

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS TRACTORS

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Evil Children. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors! Tractors. Tractors. Tractors. Tractors!

Bernard Carson

(Former) Chief Tech, Business and Spirituality Editor for Blood Lust Digest. (Former) Head of the Sandwhich Station at the Black Dung Township Angelo's Italian Restaurant. Answerer of the 5th Unknown Question. Founder and 13th Level Grand Maxiform Valuator of Omnichon Superionics, which is not a cult. IT'S NOT A CULT

7 Comments

  1. Matthew Langland
    November 6, 2016 @ 8:44 pm

    Thank you Mr. Carson and all your colleagues for this witty publication and for the use we’ve all been able to put it to. Do you know my brother Dunkin I think he lives in your building he owes me 20 dollar

    Reply

    • Bernard Carson
      November 6, 2016 @ 8:44 pm

      Dear Mr. Langland, thank you very much for your insightful comment. Streaks on the china, never mattered before, who cares. When you dropped kicked your jacket As you came through the door, No one glared.

      Reply

  2. Matthew Langland
    November 6, 2016 @ 8:45 pm

    Load up on guns
    Bring your friends
    It’s fun to lose and to pretend
    She’s overboard, self assured
    Oh no I know, a dirty word
    Hello, hello, hello, how low [x3]
    Hello, hello, hello
    With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
    Here we are now, entertain us

    Reply

    • Bernard Carson
      November 6, 2016 @ 8:46 pm

      But sometimes things get turned around
      And no one’s spared.

      All hands look out below
      There’s a change in the status quo.
      Gonna need all the help that we can get.

      According to our new arrival
      Life is more than mere survival
      We just might live the good life yet.

      Reply

  3. Matthew Langland
    November 6, 2016 @ 8:47 pm

    Those who came before me lived through their vocations
    From the past until completion, they’ll turn away no more
    And still I find it so hard to say what I need to say
    But I’m quite sure that you’ll tell me just how I should feel today
    I see a ship in the harbor
    I can and shall obey

    Reply

    • Bernard Carson
      November 6, 2016 @ 8:49 pm

      Hold it here
      See I wanted her real bad, and I was about to give in
      But that’s when she started talking about true love,
      Started talking about sin
      And I said, honey I’ll live with you for the rest of my life,
      She said no hug-ee no kiss-ee until you make me your wife-a
      My honey my baby, don’t put my love upon no shelf
      She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself

      Reply

  4. Matthew Langland
    November 6, 2016 @ 9:06 pm

    wo, ok no thanks I’ll have a 7-Up

    Reply

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