Cons, we get it. Life in the Slammer ain’t fun. The food is unpalatable, you get no privacy relieving yourself, and the hard water showers are murder on sensitive skin. Worst of all? Big House pillows are flat, uncomfortable, and well, white, as white girls’ backsides. Those days are over! Put your face between the bars […]
This senior woke up with a fungal infection covering over 100% of his body. What happened next will make your G.D. jaw drop. Kool Klench™ Bath Buddies™
– He took a bath with Kool Klench™ Bath Buddies™ Bath Pellets™ and his fungal infection™ was reduced by over 8% immediately four days later! His wife Mergaline said, “I have no idea where it came from, I don’t know anything about it, I was downstairs watching Merican Ninjer Warrior.” Ask your doctor if Kool […]
A soldier home from Iraq is reunited with his dog and you wont believe what happens next – Kool Klench™
The dog says, “I don’t remember you smelling like this. I detect strong hints of a Class D Fungal Infection. Here, try this: Kool Klench ™ Fungicide.” Ask your doctor if Kool Klench™ is right for you. Possible side effects include: dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, redness or rash that is not fungal in nature, […]
Let the Everlasting and Cleansing Light of Holy Commerce Wed within my Consuming Heart the two Celestial Lovers, Value and Quality.
Reproduced herein, a fun bit of nostalgia from the days when Hard Cheap Knock™ was an analog, paper-based publication known as Hard Children’s Knock™; being our earliest attempt at revenue-raising and army-building predating the HK GEAR Dhoti points program by about what guys? 18 years? Sadly, it wasn’t the prohibitively expensive operation of this mail-in rewards […]
TELL YOUR DARLING THE SMELL OF SWEAT IS THAT OF DEATH. AND NOT THAT CUTE FRENCH “LITTLE DEATH.” – GENTLE SWELL™ BODY ODOR SUPPRESSOR
HCK INTER-OFFICE MEMO FROM: Jerry Kertzman, Creative Director RE: New GS BOS TV Spot Hey gang, here’s our brief for the new prime-time slot commersh. After last business team meeting Mr. Boseman has a royale H-On for targeting young, athletic, fit, successful well-groomed Millennials and R&D has determined Kung Fu is the GO-TO aesthetic for […]
Like a million vanilla said girl you know, it’s true.* – Kool Klench™ *Ask your doctor if Kool Klench is right for you. Possible side-effects include: forgetfulness, dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, allergic reactions, heart problems, dependence, forgetfulness, restless leg syndrome, restless genital syndrome, forgetfulness, droopy eyelids, lazy eyes, lazy ears, tinnitus, colorful urine, forgetfulness, […]
Tell your top associates it’s Sales Before Salad Dressing. SBSD. Every time. Kool Klench.