Public Service Announcement – Toilet Nesting

The Toilet Nest

The Toilet Nest

We know how it is. You spent the first 5 minutes of your time “in the loo” crafting the perfect toilet seat nest. You gently folded and positioned each layer of paper so that no surface of the seat went uncovered. Inspired like no “mule burning” that came before this, you found that perfect balance between stability, protection, and comfort.

It performed FLAWLESSLY. It stayed in place during the inevitable “leaning forward” phase, didn’t dangle accidentally into the water, and, dare I say, even achieved a certain, well, “coziness” during your visit.

In fact, things went so smashingly with your hand-crafted throne roost that when it came time to tidy up, you just couldn’t bring yourself to make it go away. “Certainly this protective masterpiece of butt-warming glory would be a welcome sight to the next visitor”, you said to yourself. “My successor to this mighty throne will surely see my handiwork as a gift to his bottom and nestle right in for a stay so comfy, only by my own glorious deuce dropping could possibly be its rival.”

How very wrong you are, my friend.

We’re not scientists, but we Googled “bacteria” and found this image. We’re pretty sure you’re better off without this stuff on you.

We’re not scientists, but we Googled “bacteria” and found this image. We’re pretty sure you’re better off without this stuff on you.

Every year, a handful of people experience mild discomfort from reusing toilet nests that were left behind by the previous user. Yes, the moderate skin irritation that results usually goes away on its own within a matter of days, but wouldn’t you like to live in a world where that minor inconvenience is nonexistent?

We here at Hard Cheap Knock are very passionate about having a productive, comfortable, and most importantly, SAFE loaf pinching. That’s why we’ve partnered with The Headquarters Resentful Of Nesting Excess, or T.H.R.O.N.E., to create materials to spread the word about the dangers of toilet nesting.

These informative posters are free to download, print, post, and distribute.

psa-nesting01_small psa-nesting02_small

As a final word: If you are the kind of person who just leaves your toilet seat nest without disposing of it, you’re pretty much a complete jerk. I mean, come on, man. Just kick it into the bowl with your toe – you don’t even have to touch it!


  1. Larry Jay
    November 5, 2016 @ 5:10 am

    Ah yes, the paper ass gasket


  2. Hard Cheap Knock
    November 7, 2016 @ 10:57 am

    Ah yes, but that’s a job for A.G.A.P.E. The Ass Gasket of Paper Eradicators.

    I have not yet seen their PSA materials. Thanks for reading, Larry Jay


  3. Hard Cheap Knock
    November 7, 2016 @ 3:57 pm

    Progress! The word is getting out!


  4. Larry Jay
    November 7, 2016 @ 3:57 pm



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