Let the Everlasting and Cleansing Light of Holy Commerce Wed within my Consuming Heart the two Celestial Lovers, Value and Quality.


Reproduced herein, a fun bit of nostalgia from the days when Hard Cheap Knock™ was an analog, paper-based publication known as Hard Children’s Knock™; being our earliest attempt at revenue-raising and army-building predating the HK GEAR Dhoti points program by about what guys? 18 years? Sadly, it wasn’t the prohibitively expensive operation of this mail-in rewards program but rather all the pesky child labor laws we violated which ultimately shut it down, circa what guys? 1982? Pity. Ha! No not really! Just kidding! Happy Humpday readers! And the next time your Mom’s STUPID BOYFRIEND COMES INTO YOUR ROOM TELL HIM NO GARY, I WILL NOT SHAVE YOUR SCROTUM FOR YOU, YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD

Bernard Carson

(Former) Chief Tech, Business and Spirituality Editor for Blood Lust Digest. (Former) Head of the Sandwhich Station at the Black Dung Township Angelo's Italian Restaurant. Answerer of the 5th Unknown Question. Founder and 13th Level Grand Maxiform Valuator of Omnichon Superionics, which is not a cult. IT'S NOT A CULT


  1. Matthew Langland
    June 8, 2016 @ 5:50 pm

    Thank you Mr. Carson and all your colleagues for this witty publication and for the use we’ve all been able to put it to. Do you know my brother Dunkin I think he lives in your building he owes me 14 dollar.


  2. Craig Gunderson
    June 8, 2016 @ 9:17 pm

    I will be a happy man to live long enough to never have to feed another prize urchin.


  3. Neal Mcdoogin
    June 12, 2016 @ 9:50 am




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