D-O-M-S-O-W-Y-T-D-B-L-L 2 days left!

Hey Battle Starians and A-Team enthusiasts and artists of every level! Draw or Make Something of What You Think Dirk Benedict Looks Like or contest D-O-M-S-O-W-Y-T-D-B-L-L is officially over in 2 days!!! Can you believe its already been 11 months since the contest began? We don’t. Hell we haven’t believed anything since Gene Siskel killed Roger Ebert. Check out your competition here. Don’t let Gary beat you!

O F F I C I A L   C O N T E S T   R U L E S  &  R E G U L A T I O N S

Content: Who is Dirk Benedict exactly? What does he represent in today’s climate? These are things you should be thinking about. This will help you execute your wonderful creations. This isn’t like drawing a turtle with a old timey hat. For the most part the content of your piece(s) should have Dirk Benedict in it, as he appears in your mind. Like how you envision him to be. Now maybe you happen to be Richard Hatch and knew him from BattleStar Galactica so you really know how he looks. Or perhaps you are a Dirk Benedict newbie and just wanna see if you can do it based on heresy. Either way we want to see it! Maybe draw Dirk palling around with his A-Team buddies or with some space friends from BattleStar Galactica. Or maybe you break the mold. Try drawing him as he is leaving a Blockbusters if your piece’s time period is early 2000’s. It’s really up to you. If you are unfamiliar with Mr. Benedict’s work we suggest to look him up at the library or elsewhere. All we can say is he was the Brad Pitt of his time. Dashing and a bit of a bad boy. And smooth like a bit o’ honey. Someone you’d want on your side in a butt punch fight. The perfect wingman. Please do not substitute him with what you think Ted McGinley of Happy Days and Married with Children looks like. He is handsome but no.

Media: In this day & age of computer advancements and 327 year old contraptions that remove ass hair away the old fashioned way by lulling it into a sleep coma and allowing it to fall harmlessly into a container™, we have become addicted to instant gratification. So why stop now! Use anything you want! But take your time. Rent a studio space. Quit your job. Also consider the old school use of pencils (color or lead), paints (oil, acrylic, watercolors), use a protractor (perhaps he is made with angles), a blending stump, lima beans, lip balm, collage, dryer lint, belly button lint, a city of people, drift wood sculpture, apps, appetizers, sculpey, photo manipulation, bar doodles, varying shades of burnt toast, beeswax, body parts, empty tic tac boxes and / or macaroni just to name a few. PLEASE NOTE: we are no longer accepting wet macaroni or other damp pasta/noodles. BUT we will accept performance pieces in the form of video, gif and song.

Eligibility: Please be of ages 4 to 8 or 10 to 64 (too many dick 9 year olds out there and don’t get us started with the 65 and up jerk faces). No art degree needed. Shit if you can read that’s cool. Participants can be from any of the 48 contiguous states, Europe and elsewhere not mentioned. HardCheapKnock members and their families are eligible as long as they don’t produce anything “Lorne Greenish”. And again Mr. Benedict, you unfortunately cannot participate due to your closeness to the topic.

Submissions: Only 1-10 submissions per participant. Group participants are welcome too but it’s kinda weird don’t you think? Like be your own person and do it yourself! We gladly will only accept a digital photograph of your work at this time as we are still cleaning up from the past 10 years of the aforementioned wet pasta entries. Please submit to submissions@hardcheapknock.com or post to our Facebook page: facebook.com/hardcheapknock


First Prize: You did it! Out of thousands and or 20 so entries you nailed it kid! You will receive a T-shirt + Mug + Puzzle of your favorite HardCheapKnock character or bit. That’s right! If you love Satch™ then you can get a Satch™ t-shirt. Enjoy the office politics in Manhattan Business Stories? How about a Rusty from Manhattan Business Stories’ mug with one of his patented zingers on it? Feeling hungry yet want a challenge? Maybe an Empanada The Necromancer Puzzle will do! It’s all for you you wonderful first place winner! Just tell us who you want on what!

prize_acesSecond Prize: So what you didn’t win. You are still aces in our book.
So much so that for second place you get a VHS copy of the movie
Underground Aces! Starring none other than Dirk Benedict himself.
As well as Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter and featuring music
from the Commodores. A prize currently worth 50 cents or more
at a thrift store near you. Makes you kinda hope you get second
place and have a working VCR right?

Third Prize: Well nice try doobie. We appreciate your effort.
And for that we will give you a can of Meatstick™ for Baby.
We know you might not have a kid now but this gives you
a head start when the time comes for you to feed any
angry, hungry baby you may come across.


Deadline: We are very strict on this and we will only take submissions until 11:59pm EST July 11, 2017. We apologize as that is only eleven months. So get going! Winners will be announced live on Facebook if that still exists in 11 months.

“Draw or make something of what you think Dirk Benedict looks like” is sponsored by the good folks at Gnome Brands™ and their wonder product A.H.A. (Ass Hair Away). Removing ass hair for over 327 years, A.H.A. will get you back in the game. The smooth baby ass game that is. You’ll say Aha, when your ass hair is gone!



"Last night i felt whale arms around me." - The Smiths


  1. Carolyn Warren
    July 9, 2017 @ 4:57 pm

    Gosh….I wish I had more time. The past 11 months went by too quickly.


    • Flippycrap™®
      July 9, 2017 @ 5:17 pm

      It’s amazing what the wind does to time. keep up the good thoughts!


  2. Carolyn Warren
    July 9, 2017 @ 4:57 pm

    Submitted by Nick Warren, age 14


  3. Hard Cheap Knock
    July 9, 2017 @ 5:58 pm

    Amazing likeness Nick! It’s great to see the yoots of the world won’t soon forget what they think Dirk Benedict looks like. top notch kiddo!


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