You can imagine my delight/disappointment when, while desperately tearing apart the attic in search of my September 1984 issue of Penthouse, the one with Traci Lords, I instead came across this little gem of pre-history. Since I mentioned in a recent post, in passing, that we used to be a print publication, many an astute […]
Author: Bernard Carson
Let the Everlasting and Cleansing Light of Holy Commerce Wed within my Consuming Heart the two Celestial Lovers, Value and Quality.
Reproduced herein, a fun bit of nostalgia from the days when Hard Cheap Knock™ was an analog, paper-based publication known as Hard Children’s Knock™; being our earliest attempt at revenue-raising and army-building predating the HK GEAR Dhoti points program by about what guys? 18 years? Sadly, it wasn’t the prohibitively expensive operation of this mail-in rewards […]
TELL YOUR DARLING THE SMELL OF SWEAT IS THAT OF DEATH. AND NOT THAT CUTE FRENCH “LITTLE DEATH.” – GENTLE SWELL™ BODY ODOR SUPPRESSOR
HCK INTER-OFFICE MEMO FROM: Jerry Kertzman, Creative Director RE: New GS BOS TV Spot Hey gang, here’s our brief for the new prime-time slot commersh. After last business team meeting Mr. Boseman has a royale H-On for targeting young, athletic, fit, successful well-groomed Millennials and R&D has determined Kung Fu is the GO-TO aesthetic for […]
“Finalize these new client proposals and have an updated budget report on my desk by end of business.” – George S. Patton, Jr. – Kool Klench ™
Real leadership doesn’t come from a can, dipshit*. – Kool Klench™. *Ask your doctor if Kool Klench is right for you. Possible side effects include: dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, reduced visible spectrum, ankles instead of wrists, shirt tightness, hearing things backwards, fungal infections, bruises in the distinct shape of Kool Klench ™ business logo […]
This is only somewhat related, but the best advice a fellow could ever get regarding the pursuit of romance and women’s affections, is to take a look at that Michael Jackson video where he hollers: you knock me off my feet now baby, and then bellows with unrestrained lust. Listen, just try it and you’ll see. […]
Like a million vanilla said girl you know, it’s true.* – Kool Klench™ *Ask your doctor if Kool Klench is right for you. Possible side-effects include: forgetfulness, dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, allergic reactions, heart problems, dependence, forgetfulness, restless leg syndrome, restless genital syndrome, forgetfulness, droopy eyelids, lazy eyes, lazy ears, tinnitus, colorful urine, forgetfulness, […]
1996 was a great year for lyrics.