Author: Bernard Carson

EYE-MAX-WOW!-Forever

Hard Cheap Knock Documentary Series: Innovations in Print Media

The astonishing story of how Hard Cheap Knock pioneered Inner Eyelid Printing™… For decades Hard Cheap Knock has been pushing boundaries and exploring vanguard ideas in art, humor, comics, fictional ads, funny looking characters, inside jokes, commerce, soft playpen netting, erotica, and literature. But what few readers not in the industry know is that before […]

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A soldier home from Iraq is reunited with his dog and you wont believe what happens next – Kool Klench™

The dog says, “I don’t remember you smelling like this. I detect strong hints of a Class D Fungal Infection. Here, try this: Kool Klench ™ Fungicide.” Ask your doctor if Kool Klench™ is right for you. Possible side effects include: dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, redness or rash that is not fungal in nature, […]

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Let the Everlasting and Cleansing Light of Holy Commerce Wed within my Consuming Heart the two Celestial Lovers, Value and Quality.

Reproduced herein, a fun bit of nostalgia from the days when Hard Cheap Knock™ was an analog, paper-based publication known as Hard Children’s Knock™; being our earliest attempt at revenue-raising and army-building predating the HK GEAR Dhoti points program by about what guys? 18 years? Sadly, it wasn’t the prohibitively expensive operation of this mail-in rewards […]

GS TV Spot 1

TELL YOUR DARLING THE SMELL OF SWEAT IS THAT OF DEATH. AND NOT THAT CUTE FRENCH “LITTLE DEATH.” – GENTLE SWELL™ BODY ODOR SUPPRESSOR

HCK INTER-OFFICE MEMO FROM: Jerry Kertzman, Creative Director RE: New GS BOS TV Spot Hey gang, here’s our brief for the new prime-time slot commersh. After last business team meeting Mr. Boseman has a royale H-On for targeting young, athletic, fit, successful well-groomed Millennials and R&D has determined Kung Fu is the GO-TO aesthetic for […]

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“Finalize these new client proposals and have an updated budget report on my desk by end of business.” – George S. Patton, Jr. – Kool Klench ™

Real leadership doesn’t come from a can, dipshit*.   – Kool Klench™. *Ask your doctor if Kool Klench is right for you. Possible side effects include: dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, reduced visible spectrum, ankles instead of wrists, shirt tightness, hearing things backwards, fungal infections, bruises in the distinct shape of Kool Klench ™ business logo […]

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