Author: Bernard Carson

BC30

Let the Everlasting and Cleansing Light of Holy Commerce Wed within my Consuming Heart the two Celestial Lovers, Value and Quality.

Reproduced herein, a fun bit of nostalgia from the days when Hard Cheap Knock™ was an analog, paper-based publication known as Hard Children’s Knock™; being our earliest attempt at revenue-raising and army-building predating the HK GEAR Dhoti points program by about what guys? 18 years? Sadly, it wasn’t the prohibitively expensive operation of this mail-in rewards […]

GS TV Spot 1

TELL YOUR DARLING THE SMELL OF SWEAT IS THAT OF DEATH. AND NOT THAT CUTE FRENCH “LITTLE DEATH.” – GENTLE SWELL™ BODY ODOR SUPPRESSOR

HCK INTER-OFFICE MEMO FROM: Jerry Kertzman, Creative Director RE: New GS BOS TV Spot Hey gang, here’s our brief for the new prime-time slot commersh. After last business team meeting Mr. Boseman has a royale H-On for targeting young, athletic, fit, successful well-groomed Millennials and R&D has determined Kung Fu is the GO-TO aesthetic for […]

BC23

“Finalize these new client proposals and have an updated budget report on my desk by end of business.” – George S. Patton, Jr. – Kool Klench ™

Real leadership doesn’t come from a can, dipshit*.   – Kool Klench™. *Ask your doctor if Kool Klench is right for you. Possible side effects include: dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, reduced visible spectrum, ankles instead of wrists, shirt tightness, hearing things backwards, fungal infections, bruises in the distinct shape of Kool Klench ™ business logo […]

BC20

You can help prevent the spread of mosquito-borne diseases. – Kool Klench™.

Like a million vanilla said girl you know, it’s true.* – Kool Klench™ *Ask your doctor if Kool Klench is right for you. Possible side-effects include: forgetfulness, dizziness, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, allergic reactions, heart problems, dependence, forgetfulness, restless leg syndrome, restless genital syndrome, forgetfulness, droopy eyelids, lazy eyes, lazy ears, tinnitus, colorful urine, forgetfulness, […]

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