6 Days to SW EP8 – Bothans in my Opinion

Bothan Spies. Brave heroes of the Rebel Alliance? OR just a profoundly weak species that found themselves ass-backwards where they shouldn’t of been? Let’s discuss this as quickly as we can as I need to be somewhere.

Rogue One Asshole

Bothans were first mentioned in the Star Wars universe in Episode 6 – the Return of the Jedi. The Rebel manager – Mon Mothma – debbie downers the meeting when she said many Bothans died to bring her the location of the 2nd Death Star. You must of said “Ocho! Them Bothans, so brave and awesome. Too bad they got their fannies kicked helping the alliance. I wish I knew them.” These are your words. But I say don’t try and fool us Mos Def Mothma. I can see right through your escapade. You wanted us to believe these “Bothans” were so damn brave to get you the 311 about the Death Star Dos (spanish for two). Well I tell you what sister christian, that’s rubbish! I now feel like that asshole from Rogue One. But hear me out. I think the Bothans were just really weak.

I think the Bothans were just really weak.

For starters I would say a Bothan’s skeleton was not comprised of bone. But rather a cartilage or a wet balsa wood hybrid. In other words brittle as your grandma on skates. And it’s weird how their moustache is built into its flimsy skull.


…your grandma on skates.

Then their skin would be as thin as toilet paper. We are talking that cheap generic brand called like “Preference” that you need to double or triple up on to wipe your butt.

Oh and their hearts would easily burst if startled as they are basically tomato soup in a wet, brown paper lunch bag. They would never have surprise birthday parties because of this.

The planet they lived on probs’ did not have weather. Because the slightest breeze would send them a tumbling along. And if it rained? Oh my gosh they’d turn into a pile of mush in seconds. So what I’m saying in my opinion is Bothans are just the worse. And I’d like to know why Aunt Mothma would put her trust in such a fragile species.

Again I have done no research, just heavy if not ignorant, brilliant speculation. You are just gonna have to trust my judgment on this one. I even wasted time creating this bullshit bothan skeleton to illustrate my point.

A word of advice to the Bothans, get out of the spy game before it’s too…damn another one died.

Only 15 ounces. Sad.

6 days to The Last Jedi  “Bothans in my opinion” has been brought to you by the latest episode of Madine’s Place. Here is a preview if you do not have Disney After Dark cable.

Now do not forget to enter the Last Jedi Second Viewing giveaway below! Take a chance or chances to win a $100 Fandango gift card. Hurry before all the Bothans try to tell you and end up all dead and shit.


"Last night i felt whale arms around me." - The Smiths

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