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26 Days to SW EP8 – Not again Threepio! NSFE (not safe for eyes)

THE PROOF IS IN THE GOLD THREEPIO PUDDING.

WARNING: Contains anatomically beautiful & censored visuals of a protocol droid.

OK I don’t know where to begin with this one. You recall that internet scare a couple years ago that C-3PO just didn’t speak Bocce but also had a big ole gold weiner? Anyways…the lovable protocol droid was rumored to be packing a gigantic golden skiff or pipe of maize hue if you are nasty, on some Star Wars memorabilia. And sure enough a vintage Star Wars Topps trading card surfaced with him sporting the aforementioned golden bulk cruiser. It was huge! Is that where he kept over a million forms of communication? Maybe!

It twas first thought a disgruntled Topps trading card employee was the culprit. Thought he’d be all funny by adding a gold Droopy McCool skin flute on him. How lame! But later it was denounced as an unfortunate “trick of timing and light” when it was photographed. Dismissed as lightning as it were.

Well I say fooey. Because whilst searching the Dark Web section of Wookapedia, I had a 3 month trial subscription Groupon ending soon, I came across these here cards. And before you think I photoshopped these, just realize there are 14 of them. 14! That’s a Kenny Baker’s dozen plus a Warwick Davis jelly. As Nute Gunray would say, “now there are 14 of them.” So why on earth would I, a registered graphic designer, father of countless plants, on my mother’s birthday no less, forge 14 vintage trading cards to feature an armed and fully operational droid pole to our beloved Threepio? Like I had nothing better to do than to dig into my old trading card box which I had traded Kevin pilgrim shoes for in college, sort through 100’s of cards, find the best C-3PO shots, scan them in and then spend 4.25 awkward hours photoshopping in threepio-peepio. Get a room will ya!

So anyways back to these magical gold-plated penises. Remember when Han Solo called him “Golden Rod”? With just cause we now see why. But because I care I did spend 5.5 hours censoring them. Because there still is some class left in this world. Good day to you.

 

I bet he is with that! Zowie!

His penis readings are off the charts! – Obi-Wan Kenobi

Hard to be loyal with that thing swinging around!

Last thing Chewie needs to see. Geesh.

Yeah stop talking about yee ol protocol johnson!

Yeah Luke! Respect your dad’s work!

 

Hey only one per port man.

What? It’s a snake now? Who made him? Oh yeah filthy, little Annie.

Worst saber fight. Ever.

It doesn’t really make sense am I right Chewie?

MFFH is right!

Seriously Threepio?

Man Threepio. Give it a rest!

Not too shabby actually.

 


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Flippycrap™®

“Last night i felt whale arms around me.” – The Smiths

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